Monday, March 09, 2009

i m sitting in my office. really hungry. i dunno if its metabolism. syaz decided he wanted to do duty clerk today instead, so he relieved me of my duty. timely as well. cus i got to sleep more after talking to julie till like two this morning. but i never went back upstairs after 0730. instead i went to read a blog that baby mentioned about last night.

anyway i was kinda thinking.

u know, sometimes, i wish that i could lead that kinda lifestyle. it seems interesting, thrilling, i mean not with various individuals but just one, of whom u really do feel for. it beats the wait, and its not as tho u dont love. and i m pretty sure its a pretty awesome feeling, having been there, just not going full swing. but when ours minds start working, and we start thinking with the right instruments. we ponder the consequences, the wait to paint it all red & the emotional upheaval. the blame game. going off the spiritual track for weeks in our lives, missing a boat, missing a kairos moment. we realise the obvious reasons why there aint no full swing [its not cus tiger woods is currently not playing]. the question is, choose the rule of Jezebel, or choose the rule of Yahweh. and i still love this passage, it always reminds me.

“For this commandment which I command you today is not too mysterious for you, nor is it far off. It is not in heaven, that you should say, ‘Who will ascend into heaven for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?’ Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, ‘Who will go over the sea for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?’ But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it.

“See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil, in that I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments, His statutes, and His judgments, that you may live and multiply; and the LORD your God will bless you in the land which you go to possess. But if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them, I announce to you today that you shall surely perish; you shall not prolong your days in the land which you cross over the Jordan to go in and possess. I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore CHOOSE LIFE, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”

this aint just some lameass passage i m quoting to sound holy, neither does the context apply if u take it literally. God is an integral part of the picture, or my picture at least, and i guess it serves more importantly to illustrate wad we would consider a need for fullness, fulfillment and fruitfulness.

i cant imagine myself now, living a life thats out of conscience. out of my beliefs, out of my values and out of the people i love. that would be more of a cursing then anything. i would probably end up hating myself for letting myself shit myself. i cant imagine living life without thinking of my career, my future, my parents' future, my gf / hopefully future spouse's future. i would be distraught if one day i looked back and lose sight of the very road that i chose to step out off. and come to think of it, the wrong instrument takes up as much thoughts as the right one does. the choice lies in which instrument the rest of the bodies listens & reacts to. its 50-50. if only i could be sure of 100-0.

cus this day,
i choose life.

|cowpoo| 9:25 AM|

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